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Is This House Really Big Enough for the Both of Us?

Updated: Apr 4, 2020

How do you deal with the sudden intensity of family being RIGHT THERE when you’re not used to it?

Create a special “alone” space in your home. You need space to retreat from the narrative of your life, and creating a physical boundary or representation will help you and others to see and honor it. We ALL need a special space.

It will help release the natural pressure of constant engagement with those you love.

Your space can be as simple as a chair in a corner window, or it could be an entire room.

We EACH have a space in the house that is just for us. Mine is my special chair. Not my living room, just my special chair. When I’m in my special chair, my family knows not to ask me for anything or converse with me unless it’s life or death. No exceptions.

My son has a space in his room on the floor, piled with blankets and some of his favorite candy. When he’s in his space, I understand that he needs total uninterrupted quiet to do his thing so he can come back to me nourished. I’m not allowed to ask him to:

😊 Do the chores 😊 Finish his homework 😊 Come help me with something 😊 Tell me ‘just this one thing I need an answer to’ 😊 Eat the meal I prepared 😊 Hang out with me

All of those questions can wait until he comes out of his space. It might feel like forever, but it ISN’T. Part of boundaries is my respecting and understanding that his need for pure alone time is healthy, natural, and important.

For all of us, the global announcements and mortal fears generated by the coronavirus and media, create stress. It’s to be expected. When life or death or on the table, we are going to stress out. So we have to take care of that as responsible humans.

If you don’t have safe space in your home to retreat and process— or if you’re made to feel guilty because you’re craving some natural separation— then you’ll start to brew like a pressure cooker. Eventually you’ll either implode or explode. Neither are good.

We each have different amounts of space and time that we require and solitude. Respect the needs of your partner, your children, or your loved ones, even if they are really different from your own.

Likewise, respect your true needs as well. You can absolutely adore your family, and still need significant time to decompress alone in a bedroom. Let go of feeling guilty about that. Don’t beat yourself up. if others are judge mental about it, recognize that as a commentary on their own desire to be with you, but hold to your standard and give yourself the healing time and space that you need.

It’s OK to go to your safe space if you’re angry. It’s OK to go there if you’re exhausted. It’s OK to go there if you’re in a great mood and you just want to be alone. There’s no judgment around it.

We’re not talking about escaping from your life or running from issues— we’re actually talking about creating the space you need to process life and those issues, and come back stronger.

It doesn’t really matter how your family feels about this, because it’s critical to your mental health boundaries.

The more you give this to yourself, the more you’ll create a home environment that feels safe, and positively charged with love and respect.

For some people this might be a challenge. Call up your best friend and brainstorm ideas if you get stuck on the belief that you “can’t “ do it. Reach out to me if you still feel stuck and need more ideas on how to make this happen. ❤️

_____________ DAILEY LITTLE is a healing practitioner, Ordained Priestess, and Teacher who founded HEALING HEART REIKI to help others navigate life with joy. She teaches classes in Reiki, Goddess Mysteries, Shamanism, and Ancient Egyptian Metaphysics from a magical, peaceful corner of the world in Northern California. For more info see:

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